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Monday, April 27, 2009
It's starting again.
I've been through it and yet I didn't see it. How stupid. I know many things, what's going to happen and most importantly, WHY it happened. But guess what? I chose to ignore that fact and be an ostrich ; a coward. I don't have the courage to face it.
Mom's right, I'm always an ostrich. I can change it you see, but I'm lazy and tired to. Well, I know, this is the road i chose so i mustn't complain or grumble. But, I don't deserve it. Why can't I get it? Why is it that others get it? I know the answers for all these questions, so? Mom said that I'm proud and I like to be in the front line. I don't deny it, for after all these years, I've been trying very hard to get what I think that I deserve. However, nothing came out.
Mom then said, putting so much hard work into it is no use, for she has already seen my future. She told me I can change it, it just depends on when I want to. If I delay any longer, more disappointments and unhappiness will enter my life. If I start now, I still have the control over it. No, all along I have the control, it's just that I let control to control it.
Changing it isn't easy. I've got to sacrifice certain things. I know that the things I'm gonna sacrifice are worth it, but it's the unwillingness in my heart that don't want to. I need someone to talk to, but that's not gonna be my friends, not Ms Leanne, not my teachers and not my mom. So who can i talk to?